MARRIAGE WITHOUT TEARS vii: Resolving Conflicts in your marriage by Daniel Yohanna

Marriage starts with two “selfish people” (who often are self-absorbed and self-centred) with different backgrounds and personalities. Now add some bad habits and interesting idiosyncrasies, throw a bunch of expectation, and then turn up the heat with the daily trials of life. You are bound to have conflict.

Conflicts are unavoidable, they are normal. Every marriage has its tensions. The point is not avoiding conflict but handling it equitably.

Please do understand that there is no one-size-fits-all approach always resolving conflicts as you may need to first understand the cause, source and nature of the conflict in question, but these few steps will help.

1. Knowing, accepting and adjusting to your differences.

One reason we have conflicts is that opposites attract. But then, the same thing that attracted you to that individual, after a while, begins to irritate you; “she talks too much,’ “he is too quiet for my liking,” “he is too stubborn,” “she is too out-going,” etc, etc.

What you eventually do is some compromise – understand these differences, and then accept and adjust to them. The quiet one opens up a bit and the talkative becomes more temperate.

2. Defeating selfishness (Phil 2:1-8)  

Our differences are magnified in marriage because they feed our selfish, sinful nature. You need to deal with the basic human nature. Give your life to Christ, and adopt the mind of Christ – that attitude of humility – in you. If you can deal with selfishness in your life, your marriage will succeed.  

3. Pursing the other person (Rom.12:18)

Living peaceably means pursuing peace. It means taking the initiative to resolve a difficult conflict rather than waiting for the other person to take the first step. It entails setting aside your own pride, hurt, anger and bitterness. I have had challenges in this area, because I felt I didn’t initiate the conflict, so I was not under any obligation to make the first move. But my brother-in-law, Teju, would tell his wife, “I am older, and more mature, and as the head of my home, it falls on me to make the first move.” Truly, whatever it takes to maintain peace is worth making the move. I had to change.

4. Resolving conflict requires loving confrontation

William Wordsworth said, “The one who has a good friend doesn’t need any mirror.”

“Open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” (Prov. 27:5,6).

Confronting your spouse with grace and tactfulness require patience, wisdom, and humility. Here are a few tips:

Check your motivation. Will your words help or hurt? Will bringing this up cause healing, wholeness, and oneness, or further isolation?

Check your attitude

Check the circumstances. This includes timing, location and setting (Shouldn’t be when your spouse is tired or in public)

Check to see what other pressures may be present. Be sensitive to where your spouse is coming from.

Listen to your spouse. Try to understand his or her view, and ask questions for clarification.

Be sure you’re ready to take it as well as dish it out.

Focus on the problem, rather than the person.

Focus on behavior, rather than character.

Focus on the facts rather than judging motives.

Above all, focus on understanding your spouse rather than on who is winning or losing.

5. Resolving conflicts require forgiveness

Forgiving means giving up resentment and the desire to punish. By an act of your will, you let the other person off the hook. Do this, not because your spouse does not deserved to be punished, but because you have the nature of Christ, and so are kind-hearted (Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:19).

Even when you feel that s/he is not sincerely repentant, forgive all the same.

And in forgiving, you must forget – which means you put it behind you and never bring it up in the face of a recurring conflict.

6. Returning a blessing for an insult (1Peter 3:8-9)

Refuse to retaliate or return insult for insult, if your spouse gets angry. Teju and his wife once had an issue where the wife blurted out in desperation, “In fact I regret marrying you.” He calmly moved towards her, held her in his hands and responded, “I don’t regret marrying you!” That was the icebreaker.

 7. Removing the source of conflict

Sometimes it is necessary to make the sacrifice of letting go of habits, attitudes, relationships and issues that brew conflicts. Do it for your spouse's sake. Do it for your family. Do it for the sake of peace. 

Terminating TERMINAL diseases by Daniel Yohanna

Jeremiah 30:12-18
12 "For thus says the Lord:
'Your affliction is incurable,
Your wound is severe.
13 There is no one to plead your cause,
That you may be bound up;
You have no healing medicines.
15 Why do you cry about your affliction?
Your sorrow is incurable.
Because of the multitude of your iniquities,
Because your sins have increased,
I have done these things to you.
16 'Therefore all those who devour you shall be devoured;
And all your adversaries, every one of them, shall go into captivity;
Those who plunder you shall become plunder,
And all who prey upon you I will make a prey.
17 For I will restore health to you
And heal you of your wounds,' says the Lord,
'Because they called you an outcast saying:
"This is Zion;
No one seeks her."'

God said that though your affliction is incurable and there is no healing medicines, yet “I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds.”
A terminal disease is one from which there is no recovery, leading to death, because it is incurable. The good news is that GOD HEALS ALL SICKNESSES and cures all diseases, including the ones called terminal. They are only terminal until they come in contact with God.
It is actually the knowledge of men (and medical personnel) that terminates, and so they term the sickness, terminal. Once upon a time, tuberculosis was a terminal disease, until they found the cure. Once the cure is known, it is no longer termed incurable or terminal.
Since Jesus is the Healer of all sicknesses, there is no such thing as terminal diseases with God.
I have seen God heal cancers by my hands, tuberculosis, HIV/AIDS, barrenness, and different maladies afflicting people. Once you know the truth, you become free. God has made me free from sickness since the day I discovered that “Himself took my infirmities, and bore my sicknesses.” (Matt. 8:17) I discovered that by His stripes, I have been (not will be) healed (1Pet.2:24).
But where is the genesis of terminal diseases? Let’s go to Deuteronomy 28, and we will see there the different blessings that would come on the children of Israel (from vv.1-14) if they obeyed the voice of the Lord and the different curses that would come on them for their disobedience (vv 15-ff).
Before we begin to enumerate the different curses, it is pertinent for you to understand that these curses, termed the curse of the law, was punishment for breaking the Law of Moses (the 10 Commandments). It manifested as poverty, sickness and spiritual death. It is noteworthy that we in the New Testament have never been under the law of Moses, and so are absolved of all consequences of the law.
Scripture clearly shows us that Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law.

Gal 3:13-14

13 Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, "Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree"), 14 that the blessing of Abraham might come upon the Gentiles in Christ Jesus, that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.

Let’s see the different sicknesses that Christ has redeemed us from.

Deut 28:15,21-22,27-28,35,
15 "But it shall come to pass, if you do not obey the voice of the Lord your God, to observe carefully all His commandments and His statutes which I command you today, that all these curses will come upon you and overtake you:
21 The Lord will make the plague cling to you until He has consumed you from the land which you are going to possess. 22 The Lord will strike you with consumption, with fever, with inflammation, with severe burning fever, with the sword, with scorching, and with mildew; they shall pursue you until you perish.
27 The Lord will strike you with the boils of Egypt, with tumors, with the scab, and with the itch, from which you cannot be healed. 28 The Lord will strike you with madness and blindness and confusion of heart.
35 The Lord will strike you in the knees and on the legs with severe boils which cannot be healed, and from the sole of your foot to the top of your head.
58 "If you do not carefully observe all the words of this law that are written in this book, that you may fear this glorious and awesome name, THE LORD YOUR GOD, 59 then the Lord will bring upon you and your descendants extraordinary plagues — great and prolonged plagues — and serious and prolonged sicknesses. 60 Moreover He will bring back on you all the diseases of Egypt, of which you were afraid, and they shall cling to you. 61 Also every sickness and every plague, which is not written in this Book of the Law, will the Lord bring upon you until you are destroyed.

Thank God that in Christ, we are redeemed from all these.
When the devil tries to put any disease on you, stand up to him and remind him that according to Deut 28, every sickness is a curse of the law, but according to Gal.3:13, Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, therefore, “I don’t have this sickness (name it)!”
In those days before the tuberculosis vaccine was developed, Dr Lilian B. Yeomans, who later became a healing minister, got scores of afflicted folks in her “healing home” meditating and confessing these truths over and over again. And they eventually got their deliverance.
It doesn’t matter your present condition, it can change through the power of God.
Gloria Copeland shared this testimony about a friend of hers:
"I have one friend in particular who is very diligent. No matter how early she has to get up, no matter what else her schedule may hold, she puts her time in the Word and in prayer first place in her day. That's because many years ago she found herself dying of liver cancer. The doctors diagnosed it and told her she had only a few months to live.
Medical science couldn't help her, so she turned to God's medicine. She began to spend time reading and meditating on Scriptures about healing every day. As a result, she is alive and well with no trace of cancer in her body. My friend knows she owes her life to God's Word."

 For more light on this, order for my books, The Healing Covenant, Receive Your Miracle and Terminating Terminal Diseases (e-copy).

The devil is a liar by Daniel Yohanna

John 8:44 (NIV)
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

This well-known phrase is often employed when rejecting any attack from the devil. It is however pertinent to note that just quipping that the devil is liar makes no difference, to you or the devil. It’s like saying, “The sky is blue!” Though it is a fact that the devil is a liar – and the father of lies, for that matter – just realizing that doesn’t free you from the devil’s clutch.
The devil does not have the ability to speak the truth, in much the same way that God cannot lie (Tit.1:2; Heb. 6:17). Anything satan tells you is a lie. Lies are consistent with his character. It’s his native language. Broda Martyns sang a song years back titled in pidgin, "Devil na liar number one." No one can beat him at this game. I know Pastor Chris Delvan humorously said the way some Christians lie, even the devil on hearing would shout "The Blood of Jesus!" Yet, the truth is, the devil is the father of lies.
We see his first antics displayed in the Garden of Eden, when he tried to twist the truth of God’s word by telling them “You shall not surely die…” (Gen. 3:5), in direct contradiction of what God had said to Adam in Gen. 2:17 that he would surely die if he ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
The word of God is the truth (John 17:17). Anything that contradicts God’s word is a lie of the devil.
Have you ever believed a lie? You were convinced it was the truth and acted on your conviction only to discover later that you were deceived, just like Adam and Eve found out, albeit too late. Don’t live with the lies of the devil. The Bible describes activities as lying vanities.

Jonah 2:8
They that observe lying vanities forsake their own mercy.

Anytime he confronts you with his lies, respond with the truth of God's word. "Say the truth and shame the devil!"
When the devil tells you that you will die, find out the truth from God’s word that says you shall not die but live. Every problem and affliction is a lie of the devil. Don’t buy into his lies.
Has the devil told you that you would not amount to anything? Respond with the truth of God’s word that you are the blessed of the Lord (Deut 7:14; Eph 1:3).
Every time the devil shot his arrows in Jesus’ direction, Jesus responded with, “It is written…” (Matt. 4:1-13)
The reason Jesus came was to destroy the works of the devil (1John 3:8) by bearing witness to the truth (John 18:37). When you know this truth, and walk in the light of it, you will be live completely free from every onslaught of the devil (John 8:32).
Our desire is that in our Ministry, we will build and establish people on the truth of God’s Word, so they can experience total liberty in every aspect of their lives

This Life by Daniel Yohanna

THIS LIFE…IS

A GAME: You must play to win.
However, in this game of life, there have been a lot of casualty, as many a player is not conversant with the rules of the game before attempting to play. Fortunately for some, they have an extra time in which they have a chance to make amends, for many others, they are not that fortunate.
There are other sets of people that play just for the fun. They have no goal in sight. For them, this game is a hobby and not a profession. They plan to achieve nothing significant.
Others are reduced to mere fans , passively standing by, admiring and cheering the active players of the game, who are serious enough to have a prize in view.

A BATTLEFIELD: You must fight to win.
In fact, you fought among millions as a sperm cell to fertilize the ovum; you fought to be born. You fought through life growing up. With the birth of every vision, opposition mounts up to stop you getting to your enviable position. Challenges abound. Yet you must keep your eyes on the reward. You are a survivor. If you keep at it, you will make it.

A RACE: Run to win.
You must develop a winning strategy as the winner is not necessarily the swiftest. Run against time, as you don’t have forever to achieve all you’ve got to accomplish. If you will not be distracted an side-tracked, you will get there!

A MYSTERY: You must unravel it. One and one do not always add up to two. Where someone danced and was ‘sprayed’ with money, another dances there and gets the beating of his life. Everything you see is not as it seems. Not all that glitters is gold.

A PUZZLE: You must resolve it. In a jigsaw puzzle, all the pieces are usually there but are in the wrong place. When everything in your life assume its natural position, life becomes beautiful.

BRIEF: You must maximize the moment.
“Not everything that counts can be counted; and not everything that can be counted counts.” Stop counting your years; instead, make your years count. Some things in life are more important than life itself.

Excerpt from the book, THIS LIFE, by Daniel Yohanna.

WHY YOU MUST BE HEALED TODAY by Daniel Yohanna

WHY YOU MUST BE HEALED TODAY!

1. Himself took your sicknesses
That sickness was carried by Jesus on the Cross. What He paid for, you don't need to pay for again. That would be double jeopardy. What is on you is a lie of the devil reject it. Himself took your sicknesses. It's a done deal.
"When evening came, they brought to Him many who were under the power of demons, and He drove out the spirits with a word and restored to health all who were sick. And thus He fulfilled what was spoken by the prophet Isaiah, He Himself took [in order to carry away] our weaknesses and infirmities and bore away our diseases. [Matthew 8:16, 17 AMP]
2. He promised to answer you when you call (Jer.33:3; Psa. 50:15)
He can't say, "Go and come tomorrow," since he told us not to act that way.
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in the power of your hand to do so. Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come back, And tomorrow I will give it,” When you have it with you. (Proverbs 3:27, 28 NKJV)
3. The Lord is gracious (disposed to show favours) and full of compassion (an eager yearning to do good).
"The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, Slow to anger and great in mercy. The Lord is good to all, And His tender mercies are over all His works." (Psalms 145:8, 9 NKJV)
His compassion always compels Him to act.
"Now a leper came to Him, imploring Him, kneeling down to Him and saying to Him, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.” Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, “I am willing; be cleansed.” As soon as He had spoken, immediately the leprosy left him, and he was cleansed."(Mark 1:40-42 NKJV)
In His compassion,  He wants you well even more than you desire to be healed.
4. His Word is available to heal you. 
Simply receive the sent word.
"He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions." (Psalms 107:20 NKJV)
Realize that God's Word is medicine to all your flesh.
"My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your eyes; Keep them in the midst of your heart; For they are life to those who find them, And health (medicine) to all their flesh." (Proverbs 4:20-22 NKJV)
5. He wants to receive glory through your healing 
Therefore the sisters sent to Him, saying, “Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.” When Jesus heard that, He said, “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?” (John 11:3, 4, 40 NKJV)

Claim your healing today. Lift up your hands and begin to thank Him for your healing because He is the Lord your Healer ( Exo. 15:26)

MARRIAGE WITHOUT TEARS VI (Avoiding Needless Heart Breaks!) by Daniel Yohanna

A heart break (or broken heart) is a common metaphor for the intense emotional pain or suffering and sometimes physical pain one feels after losing a loved one either through death, divorce, breakup, separation, betrayal or romantic rejection.
For the sake of this article, I'm limiting heart breaks to relationships.
Heart breaks occur as a result of the grave disappointment people experience. Yet, the same situation that causes a heart break in one person may leave another person the same. This is because people are disappointed not by what they meet but by what they expected to meet (which is not met).
I met a lady who was being managed by her sister for years after she was jilted by a lover. She was living in the UK but had to be brought back home because of a mental condition.
Another one worked in an international merchant bank, and when her relationship broke up, she left her work unceremoniously, went back to the village and at one point, contemplated suicide. Amazingly, she later got married to a very successful young and both have a very wonderful family.
One man somehow just can't think of marrying because his fiancée left him.
These traumatic experiences occur not necessarily because of the action but because of our expectations. We assume it could never happen, and so when it happens, we are completely devastated.
There's a difference between trusting somebody and trusting in the person.
Trust is a foundation pillar in building a lasting relationship. When trust is broken, the relationship suffers a setback, yet it can be salvaged.
However, trusting in (putting your trust on) someone is building your entire life on that person.
You can't demand infallibility because you are not infallible yourself. You can't demand perfection knowing that you aren't perfect.
That's one reason you ought to be willing to forgive and let go of offences because you also have been wrong and could be wrong  too and would need forgiveness.
A man once told me he couldn't forgive his wife for flirting with her ex-lover (at a period they were separated and the man had said she wasn't coming back) yet he was more guilty of the same offence. His justification was that it is African for men to flirt but not tolerated for women to do same. Thank God he eventually forgave and they reconciled.
Lots of time, in the words of Edwin Louis Cole, "We judge ourselves by our intentions while judging others by their actions."
We must learn to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Thus says the Lord : “Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength, Whose heart departs from the Lord. For he shall be like a shrub in the desert, And shall not see when good comes, But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, In a salt land which is not inhabited. (Jer. 17:5, 6 NKJV)

Since you are dealing with imperfect human beings and not angels, give room for mistakes, and you won't have to suffer unnecessary heart breaks.

SEIZE THE MOMENT by Daniel Yohanna

"Everyday miracles come towards you or go pass you by." - Oral Roberts

Abraham Terah sat at his tent door in his modest home in the plains of Mamre. He lifted up his eyes to see three unusual visitors passing by. It was the Lord Himself, accompanied by two angels. He quickly ran towards them, bowed in worship and constrained them to stop over for a meal. After the sumptuous meal, the Lord began to release blessings that culminated in Sarah having a baby at 90 when Abraham was 100 years old.
Suppose Abraham sat back and did nothing when that opportunity came knocking? (Gen. 18)
It was at that instance that he began to intercede on behalf of Sodom - where Lot his nephew lived.
When the two angels got to Sodom, with a clear mission - to destroy it, they sat in the open square, where Lot was to pass by on his way home. He saw the visitors and compelled them to go home with him. It was in his home that they revealed their mission to that city and eventually brought him out with his family as the fire of the Lord consumed the city. Again, suppose Lot had passed on and done nothing about the plight of those visitors? (Gen. 19)
Later on, God would put Abraham to test by demanding for his only son whom he loved so much. Abraham did not know it was a test but thank God he obeyed anyway. He passed the test and became the heir of the world (Gen. 22).
How many times have we missed opportunities of being blessed because they weren't so apparent? How many times have we flunked the various tests that come our way because we couldn't recognize them as such?
Think of the Shunamite woman who saw Elisha passing by her house every now and then. She spoke to her husband and they decided to lodge him. That was how her years of barrenness came to an end. Later on her child died but was brought back to life. (2Kings 4)
When a famine was to arise, the prophet instructed to travel ahead of its arrival. So she was spared years of living in squalor. When she returned, everything she owned that was taken away was restored to her. All because of a prophetic encounter. But it all started because she told her husband, "I perceive that this man that passes by us continually is a holy man of God," and thereafter opened up her home to him. Thank God for an equally discerning husband.
Or suppose the widow of Zarephath had turned down Elijah's request for a meal on the 'legitimate grounds' that all she had was her last before she would die? She would have truly died after consuming what was her last. But by recognizing a God-ordained opportunity, she shared her last meal with the prophet of God - in fact he ate first before the woman and her son. That last meal lasted till the end of the famine.
May God open our eyes to the various opportunities He brings our way.
One thing I can bring out in these instances is that God would bring opportunities your way, close enough, but will not force them on you. It's your responsibility to recognize them and then grab them. Seize the moment - whether it's the opportunity to serve in God's house or the need to give to God's work or God's servant, or the need to help somebody in need, I pray you will not be blind to that golden opportunity when it comes knocking.
But why do people miss opportunities? Lots of time it's because these opportunities don't always unveil their potentials. They don't always come on a platter of gold.
In the words of the great inventor, Thomas Edison, "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
For some others, it is because the situations and conditions around them don't seem favorable.
"If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done." (Eccl. 11:4, TLB). 
I know of people who turned down some suitor's proposal because they didn't look qualified, only for them to be full of regrets later when they see the person they despised doing very well and happily married to some other person who could see what they couldn't see. 
Stop the excuses. Maximize the moment. Seize that next opportunity. Take the moment. 
God bless you.