The most intimate and most fulfilling form of
relationship is between a man and his wife. Yet, what started out as a
promising union often ends in disaster, heartbreak and divorce. People who
swore to live together “till death do us part” often cause the death of the
partner so they can part. The journey that was to last a lifetime often hits
the rocks. Divorce is worse than death. When spouses think of their late
spouse, they remember them with affection. When they think of their ex-spouse,
they are filled with pain. But why do marriages fail?
1) Improper foundation
1) Improper foundation
They entered into the relationship with conjectures,
assumptions and undue expectations in their minds. They concentrate on the
wedding and not the marriage. They focus on the wedding day and not the marital
life. They take time to prepare for the ceremony, making sure everything is in
place. More energies are directed towards the event, rather than the union.
2) Spiritual reasons
Some marriages crash as a result of diabolical acts
and demonic interference. The devil has been after marriages from the Garden of
Eden till date, and must be stopped in his tracks.
3) Loss of appreciation for each other
They begin to take each other for granted. They’re
eager to point the wrong the partner has done. There is just condemnation with
little or no commendation. Zig Ziglar said the more you appreciate someone, the
more things you’ll find to appreciate, and the more you complain, the more
things you’ll find to complain about.
4) No respect for each other
They have more respect for traditions than God’s
Word. Defer more to family members and friends. Listen more to outsiders than
their spouse. God says men’s prayers can be hindered if they don’t treat their
wives well (1Pet. 3:7). A woman’s reverence for her husband aids her in
childbearing (1Tim. 2:11-15).
5) No time for each other
You become so engrossed with work, business,
children, church, etc, you don’t make out time to be with yourselves as a
couple. According to Rick Warren, relationships take time and effort, and the
best way to spell love “T-I-M-E.” He
says the greatest gift you can give someone is your time, and ‘busyness’ is an
enemy of great relationships. Realize that the best use of life is love. The best
expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.
6) Communication breakdown
Communication is the life of any relationship. Most
of the times, that’s where marriages begin to die. They stop talking to each
other. That’s why the Bible says for you not to go to bed without resolving any
issue (Eph. 4:26). We must develop listening skills, to hear not just what is
being said, but what is not being said as well. Management expert, Peter
Drucker, said, “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t
being said.”
7) Unforgiveness
Scripture does not give room for unforgiveness in
the life of any child of God. It’s not optional but mandatory. Not for the sake
of the offender, but for the well-being of the offended. David DuPlessis said,
“Forgiveness is a one-way traffic, and the moment you stop forgiving, you have
an accident.”
Learn to forgive and forget. Stop bringing the
matter up every now and then. Release the bitterness. Ask God for grace to live
a life of forgiveness. It’s not easy, but it’s rewarding.
8) Comparison
When you begin to compare your spouse with someone
else, it’s wrong. Bishop Wale Oke said you never admire an outsider until you
find something wrong with your spouse. But do you realize no human being has
everything complete? Not even you. It is said that the grass is greener on the
other side of the fence. People that seem nice to you may only be nice over the
short period they’re with you until you stay together.
9) Selfishness
“I, me and myself” attitude cannot build any
relationship. When you keep saying things like, “You’re not doing this or that
for me…” and “You never tell me ‘I love you’”, you’re treading a dangerous
route. “My house…,” “My car…,’ “My money…” Once you marry, it’s not longer “I”
but “We”, no longer “My” but “Our.” Love does not insist on its own way or its
own rights (1Cor. 13:5, AMP).
Marital infidelity is borne out of selfishness.
You’re not thinking of the other partner’s feeling but only to satisfy your
evil and lustful cravings.
10) External
Interference from friends, family and
colleagues. In-laws sometimes become “out-laws.”
11) Too much
pressure. Stress. Fatique. Financial burdens.
12) Etc. Etc.
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