PILLARS OF MARRIAGE
The foundation of any building, project or life is a pointer to its destiny. How high you intend to raise a building determines the depth of foundation you need to lay.
Jesus taught about storms hitting a building. Whether the building survived the storm or not is determined by the presence or absence of a solid foundation.
Whether your marriage will face a storm is already a given. It's a non-negotiable fact. Storms will come.
The same storm that causes havoc in other birds is used by the eagle to strengthen its muscles and soar higher above the storm.
The same thing happens in marriage. While one marriage grows stronger through the storms of life, some other crumbles.
What are the pillars we need to lay a solid foundation for our marriages?
1) LOVE
Everybody uses this word until it has lost its meaning that we don't know what it means anymore. Somebody tries to woo another to indulge in sexual immorality in the name of love.
Love is not a feeling - which wanes and fades with time. It is a decision, a choice we make to show affection to another.
The marriage that is built on love will survive any storm because it is not built on feelings which vary from mood to mood. Love acts unconditionally. It's not predicated on the action or attitude of the recipient (Rom. 5:8). It is love borne out of our affection for God - divine love.
According to E. W. Kenyon, divine love has never been to a divorce court.
2) COMMITMENT
Commitment means
to bind or obligate, as by pledge or assurance; pledge: to commit oneself to a promise; to be committed to a course of action.
"Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed... (I Cor. 7:27a).
It is commitment that let's u say, "I do," and decades after, through thick and thin, come rain, come shine, you're still "doing." You've made a life-long commitment "till death do us part." And it doesn't mean you'll put your spouse to death so you can part.
3) TRUST
If a husband and wife want their marriage to be happy and successful, they must be able to trust each other implicitly. Nothing damages a marriage more than broken trust. It's hard to grow and prosper in an atmosphere of bitterness, resentment, and suspicion.
That's why both partners should take great care to ensure that they do not say or do anything to give each other any reason to doubt or distrust them. Trust enables a husband and wife to enjoy a relationship characterized by openness and transparency, with no secrets or "locked rooms" that are kept off limits to each other.
Then you won't have to be snooping around each other's cell phones and eavesdropping on their conversations with others.
4) MUTUAL RESPECT
A strong marriage is built upon mutual respect. To respect someone means to esteem that person, to consider him or her worthy of high regard. Where there is no respect, abuse is inevitable. When you lose appreciation for your spouse, he/she will be of no value to you, and you'll most likely violate and abuse your spouse, and treat them like they don't count for nothing. Some people value and respect the opinion or advice of their friends and family more than their spouse's. Nothing, and no one, other than God, should be of greater value to you than your spouse.
And then, when there is mutual respect, it's easy to have mutual submission to each other (Eph. 5:21)
5) SACRIFICE
Selflessness is a major pillar in strengthening the bond of marriage, while selfishness is the bane of any union, where each party is solely focused on "I, me & myself." If you'll make pleasing your spouse a priority, your relationship will last.
Think of ways of giving your spouse surprise packages. Make life easier for your spouse. Let your partner be glad that you're there, and not rather that your presence or absence makes little or no difference.
Self-centredness is at the bottom of many a conflict in homes.
It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.
"Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. (1Cor.13:5, AMP)
6) COMMUNICATION
Communication comes from a Greek word, communis, meaning, common ground. You must have more grounds to agree on that ones you disagree on, or else your marriage is on the way to extinction.
Communication is the life of any relationship. We must never give room for malice. No wonder the Bible says we can be angry but must not keep our wrath beyond sunset so as not to give room to the enemy (Eph. 4:26,27).
Learnt to talk things through. And please, realize that confrontation is not communication, neither is complaining. And according to Peter Drucker, "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said."
Because of the heavy work schedules, you find people who spend all their time on the office and hardly have time for their spouse, so it becomes rife to have illicit relationships brewing in the office.
7) CANDOUR
Nothing can be built upon the foundation of lies or falsehood. In this day and age where people wear false teeth, false eye lashes, false finger nails, and what have you! Some wear falsehood into their marriage. Imagine waking up one day to find that you were married to a lie. He told you he had a degree only to discover he never went to school. She told you she was a virgin only to discover she had a child out of wedlock. What then can you believe from such a person? There must be no room for dishonesty in a marriage.
We must learn to speak the truth in love (Zech. 8:16; Eph. 4:15)
Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed. There was such a high degree of transparency between them that nothing was covered. It is said that it's better you "slap" your spouse with the truth than "kiss" them with lies.
Don't muzzle or mute your spouse's mouth. Their honest counsel can save you from disaster.
8) Etc.
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