By Daniel Yohanna
Ephesians 5:25-33
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
1. The primary duty of a man is to love his wife unconditionally. The greatest need of a woman is not money (she can make her own money). It is love.
She wants love and affection. She wants undivided attention. She wants a listening ear. She doesn't want you listening to her and watching Arsenal play at the same time or phubbing with your phone : undivided attention.
When you love a woman, submission becomes automatic - Col. 3:18,19. Christ loved us first.
When you love a woman, you will enjoy her comfort - Gen. 24:67
When you love your wife, you're actually doing yourself a favour => "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage." (Ephesians 5:25-28,MSG)
2. Another need of a woman is security. You need to let her feel secure. You need to protect her. Protect her from family members, friends and people in general. He needs to leave father and mother so as to cleave to his wife. He must project his wife above family members. That's Bible. If you hate your wife you hate yourself. If you wound your wife you wound yourself.
Song of Songs 8:6-7 reads:
"Set me as a seal upon thine heart,
as a seal upon thine arm:
for love is strong as death;
jealousy is cruel as the grave:
the coals thereof are coals of fire,
which hath a most vehement flame.
Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can the floods drown it:
if a man would give all the substance of his house for love,
it would utterly be contemned."
3. As the head of the family, you need to provide leadership. They eyes are in the head. You need to provide visionary leadership. Where is this family heading to? What plans do you have for the family? If anything happens, what are we going to do?
Abraham failed in this aspect. He allowed his wife Sarah make the critical decisions, which is why we're still having problems today with the sons of Ismael, because Abraham wouldn't provide leadership, to reject wrong counsel and stick to what God told him.
4. A man needs to provide for his family, or else God sees him as worse than an infidel (1Tim. 5:8)
5. A man needs to intercede and pray for his family, like Isaac did in Gen. 25:21. Isaac didn't send Rebecca out to go look for the solution to her problem. He prayed for her.
6. A man needs to fight for his family, not like the man who heard robbers knocking on the door and he ran under the bed and told the wife to go and ask them what they want. When they entered the house, she told them he was under the bed and she called him out, querying, "Are you not always reminding me you are the man of the house? Come out and face men like you!"
The woman is always at the man's left hand so his right hand can be free to fight.
Read Nehemiah 4:14 - fight for your households.
Use your strength for her and not against her.
7. Men need to protect their family from intruders. Where was Adam when the Serpent was having a field day persuading Eve to eat the fruit? We have a lot of "absentee Dads" today, and the usual excuse is, when confronted, "Is it not because of you people that I'm running up and down?"
8. Men need to improve their spouses and add value to them. Ephesians 5 says to purify her with the washing of water with the word, so as to remove all spots and wrinkles - through the words they speak to them. Not men who are intimidated by the progress and success of their wives and wound rather put them down.
Every woman is beautiful. Invest in her and see the beauty come out.
9. Women want men who will understand them - and handle them with care, as the weaker vessels. They are delicate; don't treat them roughly: handle with care. That's why men are called, "Gentlemen!" Because they deal with women gently.
Understand the moods of the woman, that she goes through monthly hormonal changes that affects her moods. Sometimes, you just need to give her a break: let her be.
"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." (1 Peter 3:7)
10. Women expect men to treat their wives with honour knowing that they are "suitable help" (Gen.2:18) for him. She's your helper. God brought her to you to help you. You need the help of your spouse. [While men can be analytical and rational, women are intuitive. We just know things without knowing how]. Don't ignore her advice. She's more than a baby factory or a sex toy. She doesn't just belong to the kitchen, the living room or the other room. She has a purpose.
11. Men ought to bless their households regularly. To bless is to eulogize - to speak well of. Speak well of your wife and children. Don't run them down before your family and friends. David blessed his household as seen in 2Sam. 6:20a.
