MARRIAGE WITHOUT TEARS III WHY PEOPLE FAIL TO MARRY Marriage is a very fascinating subject, as it is the most intimate form of relationship between a man and a woman. It was ordained by God. Not going about it God's way is the source of the many hurts and frustration experienced today, "but from the beginning it was not so." (Matt.19:8). Though there is nothing wrong with being unmarried (as Jesus or Paul never married), you can if you desire to (1Cor. 7:2). And please realize that being unmarried is not a yoke or a curse. Mary and Martha (sisters of Lazarus) were friends with Jesus. There is no record He even prayed for them to get husbands. I pray these points will be of help as you set out on this voyage.  Why do people fail to marry?  1. They know what they want They have a goal in life and it's not worth compromising simply on the altar of marriage. It doesn't mean you are a bad person or 'unmarriable.' It's simply that you adhere to principles you're not willing to trade. If you just want to marry for marrying sake, you could get married tomorrow - to just anybody. But you know there are people you could never marry, even if they were the only person left unmarried on earth. 2. They don't know what they want Sometimes people find themselves pursuing fantasies and not the real thing. You hear someone saying, "I want to marry a Doctor."  Is it a husband you're marrying or a profession? Somebody attended her friend's wedding to a Military Officer and got fascinated with the crossing of swords and all the paraphernalia of the ceremony, and there and then vowed to marry a soldier, forgetting that all ceremony was for the wedding. A colorful wedding is not a guarantee for a colorful marriage. Don't overlook the character of a person and be carried away by their charisma. You want to marry a rich man? Is it money you're  looking for or a husband? You can make money on your own. In those days, marriage was more like a "workshop" where the man works and the woman shops, but things are fast changing. You also hear of people who want a spouse who will do this or that for them. A house help could fit that role. What do you consider? Shape? It changes with age and childbearing.  Fine face? What if an accident dents the face? And then, like a sister once quipped, "Na fine face we go chop?" 3. You never attract what you don't respect. Do you feel that women are like animals? Do you say that men are insensitive and heartless? All men are the same? (In my haste I said all men are liars - Psa. 116:11). That's why experience is not the best teacher.  That someone betrayed you is no indication everybody is a traitor. Stop being sarcastic, caustic, cynical and critical of people. 4. You are neither here nor there  Some profess propriety but practice profanity. As a child of God, you expect to marry a child of God (2Cor. 6:14-17; 1Cor. 5:10,11), but your dressing and behaviour only attracts unbelievers - who you can't marry, except you choose to court disaster. I tell our sisters, when you flaunt yourself around and expose your body, the brothers see a "sister Rahab." (Remember Rahab the harlot?). They'll see a sex toy, but not a wife. Some people have unrealistic expectations. They behave like sinners but expect to marry a saint. They don't rate themselves correctly. Water will always find its level. In life, you attract what you are, not what you want. Birds of a feather flock together. A pretending brother will always end up with a pretending sister. 5. Impatience. You're so much in a hurry to marry. That’s why the older you get, the more difficult it becomes to marry, not only because there are fewer singles around your age, but because you feel you don't have all the time to really get to know the person.  You commit to a relationship too early only to discover within weeks the person is not what you thought they were. Remember, all that glitters is not gold. "Whoever believes will not act hastily." (Isa. 28:16). That's why when you're too available you cheapen yourself and you keep being overlooked because people don't like desperados. It’s impatience that makes people to look for ‘finished product.’ No one is perfect; not even you. So why are you looking for a flawless person? Instead of looking for a ready-made material, work on what you have, aiming for the image you have in your mind of your spouse. See Eph. 5:21-33. 6. Unforgiveness. If you've been hurt in a previous relationship, and you refuse to release that hurt through forgiveness, you carry it with you.  You move into another relationship still bearing those hurts and the cycle of disappointment continues. And, hurt people hurt people. Sometimes, failed relationships are an indication that you've not mastered certain aspects of relationships. It's like a failed course in school. That someone left you could be because they don't belong in your life. They've moved on. Release them and move on too. It's not the end of life. The best is yet to come. 7.  Lack of understanding of God's will as it relates to marriage - Eph. 5:17 Some marry with no regard to whether it is God's will or not. Some others never marry because they're praying for God's will. They won't make a move because they're waiting for a revelation of God's will for them. God will not force on you someone you don't want. 1Cor. 7:39b, talking about a widow, says she is at liberty to marry WHOM SHE WILL; only in the Lord. 1Thessalonians 4:3-7 3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: 4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; 5 Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: 6 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. 7 For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness. Scriptural injunctions : 2Cor.6:14-17; 1Cor.5:10,11 "And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ’s] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always]." (Colossians 3:15, AMP) 8. Terrible attitude Some are so negative nobody wants to be around them. They are so gloomy and negative that anytime anyone comes around, he/she leaves with a heavy heart. The best restaurants in town don't advertise. People keep coming back because they were well treated. They enjoyed their time there. Some people have no control over their emotions, so they allow their moods to determine how they relate with people. Isn't it amazing that sometimes it's easier for widows (even with children) to marry than some singles? That's why some fail to marry in spite of their scintillating looks and quintessential beauty, because they lack inner beauty (1Pet. 3:3-6; Prov. 31:30).

 There could be other factors other than these. You can use your faith to believe God for a spouse. But don't target a particular person and try to claim such a person in prayer. No, that will be witchcraft in action. You can't use your faith over another person's will. If it is God's will that you be together, God will make a way for you two to connect - if you have someone in  mind. 

God will lead you aright in Jesus name.

Shalom!