WHY PEOPLE MARRY
By Pastor Daniel Yohanna
We’re continuing our discourse on marriage. But let’s back off a little and find out why people marry. Our motive is very fundamental to whether we will succeed in a venture or not. Two people can engage in the same business, under the same business environment. You could find one succeeding very well while the other is exasperated and is always grumbling and complaining. If you do the right thing with a wrong motive, it automatically becomes the wrong thing.
Life is all about relationships. It’s a connection of different people relating on with another. Like a chain, we are somehow interconnected. We are meant to connect with people at different levels and in different ways. That’s why you do get lonely, because you are not meant to live on your own and for yourself and by yourself. That’s why you find people who have been let down and they still reach out to people, taking another risk to trust, knowing that they could still be hurt. It’s all because your heart is made to long for, reach out to and connect with somebody else.
People who have been through a divorce still miss the marital relationship. That’s why they still attempt to re-establish one. And when they don’t, they sometimes are very lonely. While it is not compulsory or mandatory for everyone to be married, yet the beauty of life is in being able to share it with someone else.
The highest and most intimate level of relationship in life is the marital relationship. Two people become one flesh. Living together without being married (co-habiting) is not proper. It is like executing a contract without signing anything. No one then is liable to anything. Co-habiting is trying to enjoy the benefit of an institution without enrolling. It is the result of a lack of commitment to the partner.
Living together with the opposite sex and engaging in sexual relationship is also wrong. There is no religion that approves of such lifestyle. It is regarded as immorality. I believe HIV/AIDS developed as a result of such promiscuous living in which people keep sleeping around with each other. Sexual chastity is not just a religious dogma but an honourable way to live.
It is necessary to state here that marriage is defined as a matrimonial relationship between a man and a woman. Same-sex ‘marriage’ is an anomaly, an abnormality and absurdity. In the beginning, God made them Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve or Amanda and Eve.
But back to our discourse, why do people marry? The foundation of any building is also the destiny of such a building. Your reason for marrying will determine the kind of foundation you’re willing to lay for such a holy estate, and that in a way also determines the outlook or future of your marriage.
So, why do people marry? Let’s see a number of reasons, dealing with what I believe to be right reasons and purpose for marriage before considering the wrong reasons people marry.
There are right reasons to marry.
The Purpose For Marriage.God created marriage. He created marriage for the following reasons:
1. Companionship and compatibility. The Creation story reveals that the first man Adam was alone, though not lonely (You couldn't be lonely except you have first experienced intimacy). Read Gen. 2:18, Eccle. 4:9, Deut. 32:20.
2. So the couple can help each other fulfil the purpose for their existence. Read Gen. 2:18, Matt. 18:19, Luke 10:1, Gen. 6:19
3. For the couple to experience pleasure. See Prov. 5:15-19, 1Tim. 6:17b, Psalm 16:11
1. Companionship and compatibility. The Creation story reveals that the first man Adam was alone, though not lonely (You couldn't be lonely except you have first experienced intimacy). Read Gen. 2:18, Eccle. 4:9, Deut. 32:20.
2. So the couple can help each other fulfil the purpose for their existence. Read Gen. 2:18, Matt. 18:19, Luke 10:1, Gen. 6:19
3. For the couple to experience pleasure. See Prov. 5:15-19, 1Tim. 6:17b, Psalm 16:11
4. For procreation. The couple can raise a godly seed. That’s why homosexuality is an aberration. They can’t fulfil this purpose for marriage. See Mal. 2:14-17; Gen. 1:28, 7:2-3; Psalm 112:2.
5. To avoid sexual immorality and promiscuity. See 1Cor. 7:1-2; Prov. 5:15-19; 1 Thess. 4:3-4; Heb. 13:4.
6. For God’s pleasure. See Rev. 4:11; Col. 1:16.
These are the fundamental reasons for marriage. If your marriage would work and please God, it must be centered on these, built on God's word and driven by divine Love.
5. To avoid sexual immorality and promiscuity. See 1Cor. 7:1-2; Prov. 5:15-19; 1 Thess. 4:3-4; Heb. 13:4.
6. For God’s pleasure. See Rev. 4:11; Col. 1:16.
These are the fundamental reasons for marriage. If your marriage would work and please God, it must be centered on these, built on God's word and driven by divine Love.
Wrong Reasons People Marry
1. Loneliness. People have an illusion concerning marriage. They think marriage cures loneliness, however some of the loneliest people I've met are married people. You find married people that are frustrated and seeking attention and affection in all the wrong places. Just getting married doesn't cure all the ills in your life. If u're unfulfilled as a Single, you'll most likely remain unfulfilled, though married.
2. Peer pressure. That all your class mates or age mates are married is no reason to marry. If all your course mates die, will that be enough reason for you to die?
3. Parental pressure. Sometimes parents cause a lot of problems on their children. You hear statements like, “I want to carry my grandchildren.”
4. The love of money. Just because someone has money is not enough reason to marry them. Ladies have married rich men only to discover that money doesn't make anybody happy. I heard of a lady who broke up with her fiance - a relationship of some years - and followed someone who had a Daewoo Racer (then, that was the car!) - and now, after many years of marriage, that's they only car they still have.
5. To curb one's sexual appetite. Some think being married automatically satisfies your sexual urges. Well, while you have a partner to satisfy your sexual desires, being married does not automatically mean the partner will not be tempted to look outside. Marriage does not automatically bring discipline to your life.
6. Satisfy one’s ego or to prove a point to somebody. Someone was jilted, and the next thing she would do was to marry someone in a hurry just to get at her ex-lover. That’s a dumb thing to do. They left you because they didn't belong to you or deserve you.
7. Because of age. They feel they’re getting too old. So they settle for just anything or anyone. It’s better to marry late and marry right than to marry early and marry wrong. After all, if you marry late or later, your marriage is the latest.
8. To belong. Just because everyone in the group is married, you feel odd and so just decided to marry, so that you too can, for example, be a Mrs.
9. Lust and or infatuation. Marriage is not just for sex. Don’t marry with your sex organs. Put your emotions under control.
10. To use partner to advance ambition. I’ve seen men that have latched themselves to a lady because she is a British citizen and they see an escape route of this country.
11. They feel sympathy for the friend. Just because somebody jilted them, you wanted to cure the pain. You may not be fulfilled.
12. Out of guilt. Maybe since they were put in the family way by you, you decided to settle for them.
13. To feel important. At a particular age, everyone greets you and automatically asks, “How is the family?” So, you feel you are not being respected because you have no husband.
14. To feel responsible. Sometimes the society tries to put pressure on people by making them feel, and maybe they are, a little bit irresponsible. So, in order to try to prove they are responsible, they get married.
2. Peer pressure. That all your class mates or age mates are married is no reason to marry. If all your course mates die, will that be enough reason for you to die?
3. Parental pressure. Sometimes parents cause a lot of problems on their children. You hear statements like, “I want to carry my grandchildren.”
4. The love of money. Just because someone has money is not enough reason to marry them. Ladies have married rich men only to discover that money doesn't make anybody happy. I heard of a lady who broke up with her fiance - a relationship of some years - and followed someone who had a Daewoo Racer (then, that was the car!) - and now, after many years of marriage, that's they only car they still have.
5. To curb one's sexual appetite. Some think being married automatically satisfies your sexual urges. Well, while you have a partner to satisfy your sexual desires, being married does not automatically mean the partner will not be tempted to look outside. Marriage does not automatically bring discipline to your life.
6. Satisfy one’s ego or to prove a point to somebody. Someone was jilted, and the next thing she would do was to marry someone in a hurry just to get at her ex-lover. That’s a dumb thing to do. They left you because they didn't belong to you or deserve you.
7. Because of age. They feel they’re getting too old. So they settle for just anything or anyone. It’s better to marry late and marry right than to marry early and marry wrong. After all, if you marry late or later, your marriage is the latest.
8. To belong. Just because everyone in the group is married, you feel odd and so just decided to marry, so that you too can, for example, be a Mrs.
9. Lust and or infatuation. Marriage is not just for sex. Don’t marry with your sex organs. Put your emotions under control.
10. To use partner to advance ambition. I’ve seen men that have latched themselves to a lady because she is a British citizen and they see an escape route of this country.
11. They feel sympathy for the friend. Just because somebody jilted them, you wanted to cure the pain. You may not be fulfilled.
12. Out of guilt. Maybe since they were put in the family way by you, you decided to settle for them.
13. To feel important. At a particular age, everyone greets you and automatically asks, “How is the family?” So, you feel you are not being respected because you have no husband.
14. To feel responsible. Sometimes the society tries to put pressure on people by making them feel, and maybe they are, a little bit irresponsible. So, in order to try to prove they are responsible, they get married.
15. Etc, etc.
It’s a new day for you!
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